motherhood.

 image credit | auburn soul photography

The essence of motherhood can be found in the beating of my heart.  It is the very act of living: the doing, the becoming, the being.  Motherhood is the twinkling I feel when my heart connects with the souls of my three boys.  In these moments, we exchanges pieces of our souls; they are a part of me now and I am a part of them.

Motherhood is the bittersweet yearning for yesteryear and the anticipation of the unknown future.  It is the forgetting of days of exhaustion and the focusing on moments that I want to freeze in time forever.  Motherhood is in the inexplicable ache I feel when my children struggle, as I fumble through the unknown, depending on my own Heavenly Father for guidance.  It is a love so fierce, so wide, so all-encompassing that I am afraid at times my whole soul will burst into a thousand pieces.

Motherhood is not merely the physical act of running through the motions.  Wiping down the table.  Changing a diaper.  Folding the mountains of laundry.  It is seeing beyond that.  Far, far beyond the menial tasks that seem to weigh me down at times.  It is then that I remember that motherhood is a series of adventures, grand magical adventures, if only I surrender.  Surrender all that I have, all that I am, for so much more; much more than I could ever possibly dream of.

Dread used to blanket me at bedtime.  How could I keep going when I had not an ounce of energy left to propel me through three rounds of the nightly routine?  I often asked myself, “Is this it?  Is this what motherhood is all about?”  Then one dark night, my heart tugged and tapped and shouted, “SURRENDER!  Let me guide you.  Let me lead you.  I know what to do.” Because after all, a mother’s heart is a special gift.

Now, when I curl up with each of my boys, I choose to shower them with ALL of me.  We share secret moments that are just between us, a language that is known by no other.

The list will always be long but the time is short.  There is so much “must do” in a mother’s life but what “must be” is me with them; always us, always together.

I became a mom when the two pink lines popped up on the stick but I am just beginning to discover “motherhood”, and in the discovering, I am finding a new me.  Not better, not worse, but new.

Happy Mother's Day to each mama out there!

Have a lovely weekend and I'll see you back here on Monday :)